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Friday, March 05, 2004
*Stand//Jewel
I've dropped History!! Don't know why I'm suddenly so happy by the realization of that simple fact, but it sure is making me smile right now even as I type all this in. :) It's not that I hate the subject or anything of the sort; on the contrary, I found myself hating the material I usually would be very interested in reading, and I couldn't bear the thought of hating something that I once enjoyed. Reading what I once loved became a chore, and I thought to myself that this couldn't go on. So I dropped History, and am a very much happier girl now. In fact, I read my European History notes again the day I decided to drop it, and I found it very much more interesting than it was than when I was reading the same material for school work.
I suppose once my brain realised that I wasn't under pressure to read and remember facts any longer, I automatically began liking what I was doing. Again, I discover something new about human nature today. Whoop-de-doo.
Didn't do anything in school today at all. Absolutely nothing. Zip. Nada. A-Level results were released today, so you can imagine the fuss. After all, I got my own O-Level results back a mere one week ago, and can still remember all the teachers being hounded out of the safety of the staffroom to be talked to by enthusiastic/crying/furious/overjoyed students. Spent E8 lit and Econs tutorial watching Ian Chua, Kimboon and Shaun play football. At times, it seemed that they were gonna either a) flatten the poor ball, b) fall down and squash their noses, or c) severely injure each other by virtue of the slamming against the walls and cupboards, or the wild kicking of the ball. Or perhaprs even d) kill me by sending the darn ball flying straight into my face and maybe rearranging my features in the process. But nothing of the sort happened, only one or two incidents which served merely to embarrass one or more of the three took place. What a... fruitful way to spend the afternoon. Observing the boys in class kick the ball violently about. Made me appreciate the football I watch on TV every weekend after today. It's so much... safer. Yeah.
Am doing ticketing stuff again now. (What's new??) Doing the accounts for A Midsummer Night's Dream tickets and doing the tickets of ACJC Does South Africa - Tour Programme coming up this Wednesday(!!). Oh yeah. Might as well push ticket sales here. Buy tickets for A Midsummer Night's Dream, guys!! It's gonna be on the 2nd and 3rd of April (you choose one), 8pm, at ACS-Barker, and the best thing is: it's only $20!! :) I've been having nightmares about tickets recently. It's always me not being able to sell all the tickets I'm supposed to sell, and the auditorium being empty. What horror!
Sighs. Maybe immersing myself in this whirlwind of activities is actually better for me? It keeps me from thinking about life after the March holidays. About what may or may not happen. About which class I'll be in. About the people I'll miss. About the deep-running feeling of regret and the realization of "too liitle, too late" that hit me the moment I got home and thought about why I didn't get the results I'd been expected to get and hoped for. All right, so maybe no one expected me to perform a miracle and do any better than the 17 points that I got for my sec 4 mid-years. But I know for sure that at least one person expected more of me: Myself.
Went for the Cross-Country Nationals on Wednesday with the Student Council nominees and screamed my lungs out as I cheered for our school runners. Had fun, and got a nice sore-throat the day after. Oh yeah, and a nice sun burn too. I'm so brown now that it's disgusting. Argh. Ticketing took over my life on Tuesday, and I practically ate, breathed and dreamt ticketing this entire week. Maybe next week will be less hectic?
Maybe the school will finally excuse me from PE permanently next week. I'm still waiting for them to realise that I'm the unfittest person in the entire universe, and that I can't run to save my own life. I think I spend more time trying to think of ways and means to skip every Tuesday's mass PE than actually doing the actual PE. Which is fine with me, 'cause the less PE I do, the happier I am. And possibly healthier and more able to concentrate on my lessons too.
I realised one more thing, that the release of the O-Level results seemed to signify a turning point in my academic life. Since I got back my hugely unsatisfactory results, my mindset and attitude towards school and work seemed to have changed. It's as if I've suddenly decided that school's fairly important after all, and I might as well invest more time and effort in my work. It could be perhaps 'cause I want to prove to people that I'm not the person my 11-pointer label suggests I am, that I'm capable of better..? Yeah. Possibly so. I don't like the way things are now, and I know I have the ability and power to change certain aspects of it. So sub-consciously, I have the notion that I have to prove myself. To my teachers. To my peers. To my parents. To my friends. To myself. For some strange reason, all this makes sense. Joy! My mind's starting to work! The brain that's been occupying the cavity in my skull has started to function after 17 long years of life! Ah...... The grey matter's finally behaving like grey matter and not some poor copy-cat.
Methinks the more logical explanation would be that I'm finally able to see past the disappointment, see past all the opportunites that slipped through the grasp of my fingers, see past all that... And reason with myself that everything will be all right no matter where I land up after the March holidays. All I gotta do is kick myself out of the remnants of the holiday spirit still lurking in me from last December and gear my mind towards a more serious work attitude. :) Heh. Sounds easy, but looks (sounds) can be decieving... Or didn't you already know?
heard
those magic reindeer click @
8:11 PM
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