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Saturday, April 10, 2004
Was Good Friday yesterday. Woke up early to make it for the 10am service at IHM, but by the time we got there, the entire church was packed. It was literally overflowing with people. Decided to try our luck at the 10.30am service at St Anne's. Heh. Just as bad. Maybe even worse, 'cause every square inch of the church seemed to be overrun with little kids. It's during times like this when I start to wonder at how Singapore's population could possibly be shrinking. I mean, look! The way I see it, every family seems to have 2 or more kids, each kid possessing irritating Heely shoes that are just disasters waiting to happen. Argh. That was so out of point. But anyways.
This Good Friday seems to be the most memorable and meaningful of all the past 16 Good Fridays I've lived through. Maybe it's 'cause I've been through a recent spate of depression and then received some good news... Which made me see that God truly is present in my life, and He has never once abandoned me. I don't know... I just felt an overwhelming sense of gratification, and deep deep sorrow for all my sins. Sins which made Jesus die for me on that cross... Which brings me to my next point - I watched The Passion of the Christ yesterday. As I watched the scourging scene, I couldn't help but apologise profusely for what I had done. It touched me so deeply, seeing Jesus' suffering unfolding before my eyes on the screen. I feel like I should have known His suffering way before watching the show, I feel like I haven't been a good Catholic. But I guess it's better late than never. I left the cinema feeling detached. I had so many feelings welling up inside me, so much things to say. But I just couldn't put them into words then, and I still can't.
Been inspired to write poetry again like I used to back in secondary school. Some guy once said that poetry isn't an expression of your feelings - it's more like an escape from it. I find that strange. How can you write something you don't feel yourself? How can you write sincerely about an emotion you never once experienced yourself? That same guy also said that the worse poetry is written when one is saturated with feelings. On the contrary, I think that I write best when I've got my own feelings to fall back on. It's my feelings that lend my work its raw emotion and meaning. Or so I thought. Have my thoughts been nothing but that of a child all my life? So naive, so unrestrained... It's just so me.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
12:50 PM
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