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Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Wow. This is my 100th post!! Hmmm. I know. I shall blog in colour today to commemorate my century of posts!
The week so far after the last weekend has been pretty hectic. Come to think of it, it's really been quite crazy. I've been getting home at 730pm for the past 2 days and collapsing into bed by 1130pm latest whether or not I finished my work. I struggled really hard yesterday night to keep my eyes open and my brain working to finish up (ms) ngxy's e1 essay. And I still think I've written 4-sides worth of complete-absolute crap. How disappointing.
Today went by fairly quickly as far as Wednesdays go. I got a blue slip to leave at 1215pm to go back to ij to help out in the ac talk thing. You know, those talks that serve the purpose of getting more people to choose the jc, EVEN when a fair number of applicants fail to get in every year due to a severe lack of vacancies? Yeah. That's it. Anyhow. It felt so weird to be on the receiving end of questions this time round. I still remember how it was last year when I had been one of those girls in blue-and-white sitting crossed-legged on the hall floor, watching the video, enraptured by the deceptively greener pastures of jc-life outside ij. Now that perception's completely changed. Ij was so much better, and I so do not like jc.
Well. Yeah, it's been preeettty fun these days with my Pals, so it does make going to school a whole lot better. REALLY. But the insane workload's slowly killing me. Though I must say schoolwork does seem a whole load more interesting when you actually want to learn. I think I've learnt more in the last two weeks or so due to this changed mindset than I've learnt throughout the entire year.
So anyways. When I left ij this afternoon, it was only 230pm. I got down at the bus-stop outside Novena church with the intention of walking to the station, when I suddenly had this strange urge to walk into the church. So up the hill I went, and as I walked, I felt this peaceful feeling just settling over me. Like it was just me, the cloudy sky and the wind blowing on my face, and the church looming in the distance, and nothing else seemed to matter anymore. I don't know how to describe what I felt this afternoon as I sat in the quiet church, just soaking up the tranquil atmosphere, thinking and praying.
I've never once went to church because I wanted to in the past. Today was the first time I'd felt like going to church, just because. It really felt good, being in the church this afternoon. Trying to let go of all my trivial problems and fears, hopes and dreams, and especially disappointments, and just leaving it all to Him. I knew that He wouldn't need me to list out all the things that were bothering me, but I still did anyway. 'Cause I just felt like it. And when I finally stood up to start my slow walk back down, I felt different. Not severely different, just that I had this serene feeling in my heart. And even when I starting thinking about all my issues again, I didn't feel so damn miserable. I felt somewhat comforted. Arrrggh. I don't know how else to put what I want to say. This is really disjointed. So nevermind. Shan't continue trying.
So even as I sit here before my computer screen typing all this in, the whole day seems to have passed by me with me as the by-stander. There's been a fuzzy dream-like quality to the day. Like it's all so surreal, like I'm having one of those really life-like dreams where you think you're awake 'cause everything seems too real, but you know you've gotta be asleep 'cause you distinctly remember climbing into bed and flicking the light switch off.
It's been quite a good day, actually. :) The week's gone by so quickly. Just like that. Tomorrow's Thurday already!! Then it's just one more day to the weekend, and the whole cycle repeats itself again. Sheeesh. Last term seemed like it was going by in slow-motion. This term. Ha. Feels like someone's hit the fast-forward button and is holding on to the button really tight. I get up every morning and think about the whole long day stretching out before me. And before I know it, I'm back in my room, brushing my teeth and ready to jump into bed. It's insane.
Econs essay test tomorrow. (Ms) Jamie Tan's reminding me that I have to drop a subject. Dammit. Mom and dad are so not gonna be happy. I can just imagine their protopathic reactions to my announcement tonight at the dinner table. Protopathic, by the way, is a word I've picked up from e4 class recently. Anyway. As I said just 120 words ago. Econs test tomorrow. I think I'm gonna drop math after all 'cause my math really seems quite hopeless. I got back my trigo test - I got a gross 3 out of 22. Sighhhh.
Still gotta do my GP essay outlines. And omg, I can't even think about stupid pw without feeling like screaming. The written report's due, what, next Friday, and my group still has zero clue about the whole dumb project. I am SO bloody dead. Seriously. If I do pass my pw, remind me to throw a party or something. I'll be damn happy if we DON'T get the lowest possible mark.
So what would I do if I could hit the "back" button in my life and go back to re-do some stuff in my life? It's been an essay question for more than one subject just in the last fornight or so. I just wrote one for Chinese and I think I'm gonna write another one for GP. But really, if I do write one with all my personal experiences, I think I could actually publish a full 400-page novel.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
5:50 PM
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