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Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Just watched my 7pm show. Gosh, it was such a shouty episode. Everyone was just yelling at each other like nobody's business. And I concluded that it's not advisable to watch the show during dinner. I got so caught up with all the yelling and shrieking that I almost shouted at my dad to pass the fish. Dad will be so not pleased if I start screaming at everyone around the dinner table. Am playing ffx with Carol now. Or I was anyway, before I came upstairs to print out some pw crap. Going back down soon.
The school computers are all damn screwed. Can't access hotmail unless you keep refreshing or you end up waiting for a full half-hour before having the error page displayed on screen. Can't download files from hotmail. Can't even insert a diskette without having the computer jamming. What's this maaaann?! Woke up with a headache this morning and was so tempted to stay home and sleep the headache away. But I wanted to practice my oral presentation. Stupidest thing ever though, I didn't get to present in the end. Annoyed like hell.
Got back results that include all ca and terms marks today. Didn't do as badly as I thought I would, triple Cs, but that's only 'cause I dropped math. All my math cas were horrible horrible horrible. 1 upon 30. 5 upon 30. My one proud moment was when I hit the double digit mark. 13 upon 35. But talking to Carol today made me feel... inadequate, somehow, for not doing 4 subs. And frustrated too, 'cause I keep thinking that I would have been able to manage 4 subs. If only I'd tried harder. But oh well. I should be glad that I'm gonna get promoted straight without having to take probationals! There's still a lot to be thankful for.
I can see it all so clearly now. Can picture it almost exactly in my mind and it seems all too real. Try to wave away those images in my head but it's futile. Like a hand trying to shoo away smoke or mist. Hmmm. Or is it more like I don't want to.
I think I'm too idealistic. Dreamy. Hopeful. Wishful. Deluded. Tired. Hopefulhopefulhopeful. And so so tired of trying. Still I can't let go and yet I keep thinking to myself that I don't think I can go on anymore.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
8:11 PM
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