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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Am right smack in the middle of exam week. Three more days til freedom! Am slightly panicking over my geog situation now, but it just seems like there's too much to study. What is a poor little girl like me to do? Sigh.
I wish Friday would hurry up and come. I wanna watch SpiderMan2. Now.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
12:55 PM
*Have You Ever//Brandy
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever?
Have you ever?
Have you ever been in love?
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone
Steal your heart away?
You'd give anything
To make them feel the same?
Have you ever searched for words
To get you in their heart?
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life?
Do just about anything
To look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one
You've given your heart to?
Only to find that one
Won't give their heart to you?
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there?
And all you can do is wait
For the day when they will care
heard
those magic reindeer click @
12:48 PM
Saturday, June 26, 2004
I quote from the third of Ravenstein's Laws of Migration:
"The process of dispersion (emigration) is the inverse of that of absorption (immigration) and exhibits similar features."
No DUH man.
Like, is that supposed to be something that only brilliant people observe? Sigh. I know that immigration's the opposite of emigration - like hot's the opposite of cold. And I'm spending my precious youth studying someone's Laws - observations any old person could have made in the first place.
WHY? Sigh. Two more days to go 'til I'm a goner. Exams are on Monday. I'm quite positively dead.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
12:01 AM
Wednesday, June 23, 2004
I bloody give-up. Here's where I indulge in a huge sigh. Monthly-hormonal-imbalance has struck again and I 'm riled beyond riled. I feel like crap, and that's somewhat euphemistic already. Stupid exams are what? - next bloody week? And I still have a about three-quarts of my entire term1-and-2 material to cover. Joy. I'd like to see me save myself this time. It's be worthy of a Best Superhero Flick title.
Was supposed to go to school today for three classes or something like that, but decided not to when I couldn't even sit up in bed without feeling like throwing up all over the floor. You know, if pregnancy's gonna be worse than this, I don't think I'll ever have children, thank you very much. Still feeling like my lunch's gonna force itself out. Oh BLAH.
I found out that university education in Finland's free. Whee. So maybe I should start learning Finnish or Swedish and hop the next flight there. Then I'll be OUT of this place before anyone can make me sit for exams here again, and mom and dad won't have to worry about paying for my tuition fees there. And I could work to cover my day-to-day living expenses, and hey! I'll be out of Singapore.
And maybe we'll strike the lottery, and maybe - just maybe - pigs will sprout wings and start to fly, and cows will learn how to rollerblade. Sounds plausible, eh?
heard
those magic reindeer click @
4:36 PM
Thursday, June 17, 2004
Feeling much much better now. Thank you so much, Khin. *hugs real tight- I love you loads. :)
Quite proud of myself - I've finished my stupid GP essay that's something like a month overdue by now. Will drop it in Madam's pigeon hole tomorrow morning and it's off my hands for good! Yay. Until she decides to return us the marked scripts, in which case I hope she loses mine or accidentally sets it on fire. Heh.
Should I stay up to watch the England-Switzerland game tonight? Feel very much like doing so... But I've got idiotic PW tomorrow - a very short one just to do the proposal for the freaking last time - but it's PW anyways. It's just one of those things you hate indiscriminately without reason. Like the exams.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
10:33 PM
*Love Song for a Saviour//Jars of Clay
Just when you think that you've completely put the past behind you and you've moved on in life, a single moment of weakness is enough to unravel my hard-done work of stiching back the pieces of my life together again. Just a fleeting thought late at night when all is still and the air is soothingly cool, and all the unpleasant memories and thoughts come flying back.
Why?
Frustated. With myself. Why am I so freaking weak? With them. Why won't they stop? With you. Why can't you understand?
My life seems to be falling apart again even before the old scars have mended themselves. Mom spoke to me over dinner last week about how she was just so tired of the world, of how she still couldn't grapple with the fact that our lives have changed so much in the last 2 years, of how she was so angry with people. As she talked, her words coming out in an endless, torrential stream, I could feel her hurt, her pain, her confusion. I didn't know what to tell Mom, I didn't know how to tell her that I was so very sorry for being part of the cause of our predicament now. I didn't know how to tell her that I felt her anger, I didn't know how to tell her that I'd try to set things right again when I start work in a couple of years time. I felt so lost.
I wanted to tell her that it wasn't Dad's fault, that I was partly to blame too 'cause Dad had spoilt me rotten as a child. If only I hadn't demanded for so much, if only I hadn't been so selfish. Carol was telling me the other day too that I was such a selfish kid and that we're where we are now partly 'cause of me. I knew all that, but it hurt to hear it affirmed from my little sister's own mouth.
Guilt. Mom and Dad think that I'm doing all right in school - but they couldn't be further from the truth. I've been doing absolutely nothing in school this past term, and I've got my screwed-up marks to prove that. I've been trapped in my own misery for the past month or so, too wrapped up in my own thoughts and head to concentrate on what ultimately matters - my schoolwork. A prisoner in my own thoughts. I've finally emerged, battered and bruised but recently, those thoughts which I thought I'd gotten rid of have come back to haunt me. Especially at night, in the few moments I lie awake in my bed just before sleep claims me.
Sighs. Just one moment of weakness was all it took, and now everything seems as messed up as it was 2 months ago. I thought I'd moved on, but it seems now that I've been walking in a circle - and I'm back where I started. I'm tired.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
3:05 PM
Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Drat. My tag-board thing's gone. Nevermind. The comments thing at the end of each post can be used to drop me messages I suppose. So yeah. Sorry about it - I'll get round to putting my tag-board back up after the stupid terms. Oh damn. I realised that all my links are gone too. Bleah. I've got lots of repair work to do after the exams. I seem to have a lot I wanna do after my terms, huh? Heh. It's always like that. Every single year.
Am studying econs now. I'm reading my text and I'm getting it, but what if I don't have enough time for all my subjects?? OH DEAR. Sighs.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
6:00 PM
Messing about with template again. Couldn't be bothered to design one from scratch so am just gonna use one of these custom ones for now.
No. Actually, I can be bothered to do a new one, but it's 'cause I can't. Supposed to be studying. Heh. I can't fail my terms or I think I'll just die. It's not so much that I'll be that upset, it's more like Mom and Dad will hit the roof and that'll be the end of me and my social life.
Not that there is much of a social life to preserve, but you know what I mean. Well well.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
2:41 PM
Monday, June 14, 2004
I have been completely convinced that the world IS experiencing a major global warming problem. Today was by-far one of the hottest days in the entire year. It was and still is positively sweltering. Blah and double-blah.
Was supposed to start on revision proper today but it was too damn warm to do anything. My brain felt like it was experiencing a meltdown or something close to that. Ended up spending about 3 hours on the phone with Cheryl Anne talking about the most mundane things.
Oh, and my canaries have been fighting again. I went to change their bath-water this evening and decided to hose them down when I spotted Qualle with his head feathers missing and Jinn with his tail feathers nipped off. Tsk. They were still pecking at each other when I refilled the seed containers- squabbling over who got to eat first. I told them both very sternly that if this goes on, they'll both look extremely ugly with bald patches in strange places, when Jinn let out a doleful squeak and cocked his head to one side, looking at me reproachfully. Made me laugh, that did. Heh.
Sigh. If the air-con breaks down, I think I'll break down too. Don't think I'll survive this ridiculous heat without it.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
8:13 PM
Sunday, June 13, 2004
Came back from ZJ camp today. Feeling oh-so-tired and have fallen ill again, but I'm so glad I decided to go for it. The camp, I mean. I really didn't feel like going at first, 'cause Melissa wasn't gonna be staying over and I didn't want to have to endure 3 days of feeling friendless. But I guess her not staying over was a good thing in the end, 'cause I ended up having to talk to more people and hence, in the process, made a few new friends. :)
See, something good usually comes out of situations that we feel did not go our way.
Anyways. Am nursing a sore sore throat now and a slight headache, but still am staying up to watch the Canadian Grand Prix and the England-France match tonight. I still firmly believe that the holidays have to thoroughly enjoyed, even if the silly school authorities seem to think otherwise, showing what they think a holiday means by setting ridiculous term exams immediately after the holidays.
BLAH.
Found out that Melissa and I are to lead in the praise and worship session in July's YouthCharge thing. Wonder what I got myself into? I can't sing, I can't speak, and the best part is that I offered to help Melissa out, thinking that I was only going to be playing the triangle or something. Did anyone say anything about singing? OH well.
Have to transport myself downstairs soon. Parents want to sleep and I'm annoying them with my staying-up-late habits.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
10:10 PM
Thursday, June 10, 2004
Frantic. It's the holidays but there's SO MUCH TO DO! Never been busier in my entire life, what with trying to catch up with schoolwork (which is, by-now, in extremely dire straits) and trying to keep up with my friends. Everyone seems to have their own thing to do these days, it's insane.
I'm actually in school attempting to do stupid Project Work now (which I HATE TO THE CORE!!!), and I'm up here in the library under the pretext of getting some research done. I actually did manage to get a bit of data, but I'm giving up now. Can't. Be. Bothered. Anymore.
And I still haven't packed for ZJ camp in church tomorrow. Help.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
10:59 AM
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