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Saturday, July 31, 2004
What do you do when one of your closest friends in the whole world is gonna leave you after all the years of standing by your side?
What do you do when you try to feel glad - and you truly are, deep down inside - but sometimes the fact that she's going makes you so overwhelmingly sad?
What do you do when a friend who's always been there for you - in the form of messages, house-visits or outings is going to leave and may never return?
What do you do when you feel that you still have a lot to say to your friend, but she's already leaving and you have a sad sad feeling that you'll never see her for a long time?
What do you do when your friend who's always given you good advice about anything under the sun isn't around to do just that anymore?
What do you do when a person you have a lot of fun with laughing about the silliest things isn't around to do that with you anymore?
What do you do when you feel like you're getting left behind?
What on earth do you do when you feel like crying for more than one thing - but the one thing that weighs most heavily on your mind is the fact that one damn good friend isn't gonna be around anymore?
Don't go, Khin. :( I know you have to go, so yeahhh, what I just said 40 characters ago isn't gonna happen anytime soon. Sighs. But letting go is just so hard, and don't laugh, but my eyes are actually starting to fill with tears as I type all this in. Life's gonna be so different without you around. Different in a bad way, though I often tell you otherwise. Heh. There still seems so much left unsaid between the two of us, but I want you to know that you've been such a great GREAT friend, and thankyou for every single thing - yeah, even your bullying.
Though you keep telling me that you wanna see me in the US next year too - and believe me, I DO wanna be seeing you there then - chances are high that I'll be stuck where I am for another one year or so. Still. Wait for me, yeah? I'm trying so hard to keep up with you and everyone else, but it seems like everyone around me has moved on and I'm still stuck in the past - in reverse mode, in fact. I just wanna tell them to wait for me, that I'll catch up if only they'd wait, but often enough, I find myself coughing in everyone's dust as they propel on ahead. Oh-well. Actually, what's the point of blogging about all this? Seriously. Sigh. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what each day has in store for me - what nasty shocks, bitter disappointments or pleasant surprises (though it's more often the former two) lie in wait for me.
So. Khin dear. This blog entry's dedicated completely to you. You're leaving tomorrow... And I can't see you off. Sucks big time, eh? Oh-well. You take the best care of yourself, all right? I know you'll be fine - after all, going to the US has been your dream for the longest time ever - but still, take care. *hugs-
All righty then. Excuse me while I go do something that I haven't actually indulged in in the longest time ever.
A good long cry. Good-bye, Khin. Smile. :)
heard
those magic reindeer click @
12:13 AM
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Just showered. Feeling slightly better. Less icky and all. Rain's kinda stopped too. Pity. Thought it'd be nice to fall asleep to the sound of raindrops on my roof.
School today wasn't that that bad. It was considerably all right for a Thursday, actually. Had PE today. Ran another 6 rounds. I can envision myself running 6-bloody-rounds for the rest of my life in AC while everyone else has fun playing games. Sighhhh.. What a gloomy picture. (Mrs) Roberta Tan told me today before I set off on my 6-round-torture to concentrate on keeping my breathing even and regular. So as I was running, I shut everything out from my mind and just thought about taking in a deep breath and exhaling every 2 steps or so. It kinda worked, 'cause I wasn't as dead as I usually felt - though I still failed. Oh well.
Flying balls are a menace to people running on the track. Seriously. As I was running, this group of ad1 guys were playing football or something. So shoot me for being the slowest runner on earth. A ball just smacked me straight on my ass. That just proves one thing: How so verrry slow I am. I'm almost like a stationary target.
Quite proud of myself for actually managing to fill out everthing Rama has done during Math lectures so far. Congratulate me, please. This is something like a last-ditch attempt to keep my fourth subject. I've even started to copy Math tutorials off the board as they're being done - something I've never even dreamed of doing 2 months ago. Wow-wee. Am a good girl. :) I've still got a TON of work to catch up on, but we'll take one step at a time, eh? Yeahhhh... Some progress is better than NO PROGRESS, after all!
Am so very very tired. Will be soooooo damn glad when the week's finally over. And I'm gonna get my Panasonic flip-phone again! The Sony Ericsson's much much better for messaging, but the memory suuucks! Oh well. Besides, I actually miss flipping my phone open every once in a while. Heh.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
9:49 PM
Sad. First thing I did when I came back home today was to check on my Jinn. It was miserably sick yesterday when I went to change the water, and I was terrified that it'd be dead by the time I came home today. And I was right - my little Jinny's dead. :( It's raining now. Seems like the sky's crying for my poor little Jinn. I'm sad.
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those magic reindeer click @
8:59 PM
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Goodness. Tomorrow's Wednesday already. The past 2 days seemed to have passed by in a whirl of activities. It seemed almost like yesterday when I was sitting in front of the computer feeling miserable 'cause Monday was approaching. Weeelll. Glad that time passes so quickly nowadays. :)
I've been bullied in school! Hahahaaa... (Yeahhh... What's new, eh, Khin and Tri?) Drey keeps telling me to shut up when I start going on about giving away signed autographs and all that crap. I'm mortified. Haha... I'm a sensitive soul man. I might just burst into tears 'cause my fragile ego has been stepped on. (You know I love you Drey dear, in spite of all my nonsense.)
It's Cher's birthday tomorrow! Happy Birthday dearie!!! *muaahh! We bought you a delicious, yummy cake using money from the Buy-Cheryl-A-Present-Fund. Went to Holland V after school with Drey, Chels, Mich Lim and Nartz to get a cake. Had to go back to school after that for Drama. Took a nice slow walk back from Holland V to school. I think I really should walk more often. It was quuiiitee peaceful. And I think I managed to burn off some calories.
Drama lasted til quite quite late. Finished at about 8.40, and by the time I got to YCK station, it was something like 10. I'm dead tired. This week's gonna be one loooong week. There may be Drama tomorrow. YES! - that means I gotta go back to school after the track finals. How HORRIBLE.
Oh yes. Speaking of Drama... I saw Darius Beh today for the first time since like, 2 years ago. He's grown - I think he's actually quuiitee a bit taller than me now. Heh. The face hasn't changed, though! ;) Brought back some memories of Barker Jam, of the IJ Prefectorial Board, of IJ life in general. Sighhhh..
Looking AHEAD (and not behind). I've finished reading Regeneration! It's actually a pretty damn good book. Seriously. I might even have read it outside of lit class. Think I'll probably get the next two books in the Regeneration trilogy. That makes one more thing I'm saving for now! I hate saving. I just don't have the discipline to restrain myself from spending the money I've been hoarding away with the intention of getting something I really wanted on a skirt or top I buy on impulse. I'm a terrrrible spend-thrift. Tsk tsk, Kelly.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
11:03 PM
Sunday, July 25, 2004
School tomorrow. Suffering from Sunday night blues now.
Ugh. :(
heard
those magic reindeer click @
9:12 PM
Saturday, July 24, 2004
I so so so hate bloody PW. It's Saturday, there's no school - so why the hell am I complaining about PW? BECAUSE. It's such a pain everywhere. Not just in the ass, every-freaking-where. Arrrgghh. My stupid GPF wasn't handed in yesterday, so (Ms) Jamie Tan's gonna dock some marks off our assessment grade. I wasn't even in school yesterday. This sucks BIG-TIME.
Gross PW aside, I had a GP test today. Dragged myself out of bed early this morning to the soothing sound of raindrops pattering on the roof above. Felt so much like crawling back to sleep. It was sheer torture hauling myself out of bed and forcing my feet to walk me to the bathroom. Sigh.
There was an accident on the highway on my way to school this morning. The rain was falling in sheets and visibility was almost nil. It's during times like these when I'm glad that I don't know how to drive. I can just see myself crashing my car the moment it rains out of complete panic next time. *shudders- So yeeesss.. Guess I won't be driving anytime soon. (Sorry Carol. :P)
I've thrown away this GP grade. For sure. I had almost nothing to write for the essay and the summary was RUBBISH. Absolute crap. If that's their idea of a joke... *sighs* Well, it's a damn bad one. And the LT was freezing. I wonder if they knew what they were doing when they blasted the air-con this morning. Like, hello?? Are we living in different dimensions or something? It's bloody raining, for crying out loud. Rainy weather=Cold. Or do they just not GET IT??
Dad's finally replaced the other monitor. FINALLY. No more slamming the screen against the wall and risking knocking a hole through. No more thumping of the monitor in a vain attempt to make a semblence of decipher-able words and pictures appear on-screen. No more bitching over who gets to use this computer with the cable connection (though the other one's on modem, but getting the screen to work is a start.)
New resolution: Try not to message anymore for the remaining week of this month. I've only just exceeded my 360-limit, and dad's threatening to take my sim next month if what happened the past few months repeats itself Straaaangeeness. According to my bills, I'd sent roughly an average of 1000 messages a month. I don't even remember being that busy on the phone. Like huh??? OH well. Have resorted to stuffing my phone in some secluded corner of my bag in an attempt to resist the temptation to reply to not-so-important messages.
I'm starving. Growl.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
6:04 PM
Friday, July 23, 2004
Didn't go to school today. Didn't feel too good, slightly flu-ish and blah.
Khin came over today! (Woman.... HELLO!! Hahahaa...) She's leaving for the US like, quuiitee soon. Sigh. Gonna miss her like hell man. Felt slightly nostalgic, just sitting around my house and talking about anything and everything that came to mind. Brought back fond memories. But then again, I kept reminding myself that I can't live in the past, can't keep reliving those nicer memories in my head, 'cause those days will never come back. How sad. :(
Decided to change my layout today after Khin went off at about 3.30. Managed to put up a tag-board, but the archive links are stiiiilllll not working. Arrggh. *annoyed-
In retrospect, this past week has been one of the better ones. Really. There're only 6 more looooonnng weeks before the September break. Can't wait for year-end to come. That makes about 14 more weeks of school to endure. Heh. Doesn't seem so bad when I put it that way, eh? Yeahhhh. :)
Really want to see Khin off at the air-port on the 31st. How bloody-annoying. There's like, a million and one things happening on the 31st - IJ Honours' Day, parent-teacher dialogue (mom and dad have to go for it 'cause I faaaaiiled my STUPID TERMS)... Bleah and double bleah. My Saturday's been robbed from me again. There's a pesky GP test tomorrow morning - the whole freaking 3-hour-paper. WonderFUL.
And idiotic, useless PW on Monday again. Someone really should have told the man/woman who introduced disgusting PW that his/her idea WASN"T SO BRILLIANT after all. Really.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
7:29 PM
Thursday, July 22, 2004
The NL walls are really so not sound-proof.
Chels, Dree, Cher and I were in class after school doing some PW rubbish and Chels was telling us about something not really meant for the whole world to hear. Shane was in the aa2 classroom trying to do his Chinese 'cause apparently, we were talking too loudly. Anyhow. Chels suddenly realised that we could have been talking too loudly when Shane shouted over to tell us to shut-up. It was damn damn funny! Think we probably made enough noise to warrant a police complaint.
Took some crappy photos on my phone today. Still trying to upload them onto my computer, but I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. Am I just slow or what?
I've become obsessed with different kinds of post-its, for some straanngee reason. Dree had these cute Fish & Co. ones - I kopped one of those - and Cheryl had some Night Safari ones or something - which I kopped too. Came home and found some hotel post-its lying around on mom's table and have decided to kop a few too. Heh. :)
Oh yeessss. Before I forget. We had this dumb fire-drill thing today during recess. Like, what the hell? Recess?? How cheapskate man. BLAH. It was quite silly 'cause I saw the teachers setting off the alarm - and (Mr) Mark Ng came out saying something like he had to sound slightly alarmed so that the students would actually start moving.
So he started making a noise that sounded slightly like a scream. Hahahaha... Omg. That was priceless man. He was walking out quite calmly emitting a strange scream-like sound. It was HILARIOUS.
Got pretty annoyed with some of the teachers today. Was supposed to go for some drama SYF thing but we got our blue slips taken back by Mr Lynn in the end. I won't even start on what actually happened, 'cause this whole thing has already been discussed about to death in GP class. Feeling very much maligned and misunderstood, we started talking about the whole thing in class and madam was there, so she told us what she thought of the whole situation.
Today was quiitee an interesting day, actually. Yeah, so some of the stuff that happened wasn't that great, but life would be so damn boring if everything were nice and rosy all the time eh? New philosophy in life. Think positive.
So. Besides all that happening today, some other stuff happened too. (Ms) Jamie Tan gave me some form to drop a subject. -Oh, SO not looking forward to telling dad about this. I actually ran 6 rounds + 1 warm-up round during PE today, so feeling preeetty accomplished. :) Oh, and I did something quite stupid after PE too. I thought I'd dropped my hairband while running, so I took off to walk another round around the track. Couldn't find it and felt soooooo depressed - 'cause it was THE favourite hairband. Heh. Went back to class, and found it lying on my table buried under a stack of Cher's things.
I felt so dumb.
Thankfully, no one saw me walking like an idiot around the track after PE. I could have died. And the most tragic of all? I found out that I failed my terms overall (need 2As, 2 AOs to pass - I just failed with 2As, 1AO), that I'm somewhere very near the rock-bottom for econs (405th out of 440, I think), and that I may drop a subject 'cause I can't stand the teacher. That's life for you. :)
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those magic reindeer click @
8:34 PM
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Today was fun fun fun. Probably one of the fun-er days I've had after coming to aa1. It was racial harmony day today, but DISAPPOINTING! No one except Dree, Nartz, Mich Wong, Xiuf, Sabrin and me wore costumes today. And we made up about three-fifths of the entire costume-wearing population in school. As I said. How disappointing. OH well. We had fun anyways.
Dree was wearing this Arab outfit thing that generated a hell lot of attention from everyone. People kept looking at her, whispering to each other "terrorist arh??" It was damn hilarious. And her outfit was even on the cover of one issue of Newsweek man! Ain't that something? Haha..
We really should have more days like that, promoting class-bonding and all that. Went out for lunch at orchard after school with Dree and Xiuf - and I haven't eaten so well in the longest time ever. Heh. Today really was a good day. Seriously. I'm starting to not dread going to school anymore. :)
Shall take more pictures in school from today onwards. As what the government would say, "this promotes classroom cohesiveness and the building up of a closer-knit communtiy". That sounded like some NE message eh? Haha! I'm a future politician in the making man!
Econs tutorial today was a complete waste of time. Like, excuse me, but it's not as if we asked to be let out of school to attend some drama SYF thing right?? Tan CC spent half the period talking about how we ought to be thinking students and BLAH. I AM thinking - thinking if dropping econs would be good idea or not. Dad says that he won't let me drop any subject if I can help it, but I think I gotta do something if I want to save my EARS from an accent-overdose.
And get this - we gotta stay back on Fridays if we miss any econs tutorial - whether we have a valid excuse OR NOT. Like, what the hell?? I'm going for something I didn't even sign up for but am going for 'cause it's compulsory, and she thinks that I wanna miss her lesson on purpose - and so I gotta stay back on Friday to - what did she call it - 'level up'? HA. Not funny.
PW GPF due tomorrow. Damn damn damn. Hate PW.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
7:50 PM
Monday, July 19, 2004
*Leave (Get Out)//Jojo
Goodness. I HATE school. Today was Miserable Monday. Heh. All right, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. As far as Mondays go, today's was already pretty good. I still think that PW's complete crap, but I guess they're not scrapping it anytime soon - seeing that they've only implemented it last year.
Am thinking of dropping econs. Mich Wong says I should wait til promos are over before deciding which subject to drop - if I even drop any at all. That makes complete sense, as I realised that there's really been a lot of things I've regretted this year. So I don't wanna add on to my already far-too-long list of regrets for the year 2004.
Seriously, if I could just rewind the clock a bit and return to the beginning of the year, I would have done so many things differently. For one thing, I would have chosen another JC for my first 3 months, or I would have really cherished the time spent in the first 3 wonderful months. I wouldn't have dropped history, I wouldn't have taken up math, I wouldn't have decided to pull out of council. So many things I wish I hadn't done... But it's too late now, so I guess there isn't any point in dwelling on all the things I should or could have done.
GP reading package test tomorrow. I've concluded that the government and politics package has gotta be the boring-est topic to read about - ever. I. Dislike. It. So. Damn. Much. Argh.
The last weekend was spent quite well, I think. I got a nice white skirt from Mango, got a top and a few pairs of earrings. Retail therapy never fails to work for me. Heh. I live for the weekends. Seriously. I feel as though my life officially begins on Friday afternoons and then I switch to auto-pilot mode once Monday morning dawns. Another 4 days to go before the next Friday. Wonderful.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
6:58 PM
Saturday, July 10, 2004
OMG. I've been completely embarassed yesterday at PE. I was running my 6-rounds again (like, what's new?), but instead of just feeling like crap after that, I actually blacked out. It was so scary. Suddenly, I realised that I couldn't breathe properly and there were these bright patches dancing in front of my eyes. And before I knew it, I was on the ground in a messy heap. It wouldn't have been so bad if it was the end of PE. But practically everyone except my classmates saw me. Oh, I so wanna die. Hello??? Who blacks out after running 6 lousy rounds? Sigh.
Anyhow. Had some drama CIP thing at the YouthPark today. Was supposed to help with the face-painting and henna, but ended up just standing around and feeling pretty useless. It's just as well anyways, seeing that I can't paint to save my own life.
And I met Khin today! My goodness. I didn't realise how much I've actually missed that woman until I saw her familiar face today. I didn't get to talk to her very much, but that's ok. Heh. :)
Mom wants to bring me to the doctor tomorrow. She suspects that there's something wrong with my blood circulation 'cause it simply isn't normal to collapse after running 6 miserable rounds. It's the second time in about 6 months that I've just blacked out like that. What's happening to me? Sigh.
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those magic reindeer click @
5:44 PM
Thursday, July 08, 2004
Argh. What a shitty day. I was tortured during PE today (what's new, actually?) and I'm so so tired now. You know what they say about PE supposing to make you feel more awake? It's utter rubbish. I can say with almost absolute certainty that the person who said that is completely crazy. Hello?? I'm DYING here. I was perfectly fine before stupid PE. And I've even gotta run tomorrow when everyone else has their PE free 'cause of the health talk thing.
I hate PE. I hate school. Oh, yes. Speaking of school. I failed my Chinese rather nicely, probably got a straight F for econs and math, and something like an E for geog and GP. Wonderful. What am I doing in school?? I should be working or doing something useful.
Which brings me to my next point. I just had my Chinese AO oral exam, and it was complete rubbish too. Sigh. I know there's more to life than awful school and endless classes, but right now, I just can't see it. Even the other aspect of life seems so downright depressing now that I can't decide whether failing my exams is better or the same.
I refuse to go back for any more lessons. It's supposed to be double econs tutorial now. And I'm in the nice nice LIBRARY slacking my ass off. Yayness. :) Can't. Be. Bothered. Anymore. I could actually be on my way home now, but NO - I've decided not to be an irresponsible ass and skip the drama meeting after school. I deserve a PRIZE for being so good. Heh.
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those magic reindeer click @
2:47 PM
Saturday, July 03, 2004
It's over, it's over, it's so wonderfully OVER!!
I shall start worrying about the aftermath when I find out when I get back my results, but 'til then. I don't CARE.
And Monday's a beautiful holiday! Life's good. Heh. Doesn't take much to make me happy now. :) I've watched SpiderMan2 and it's damn awesome! Gonna watch it again tomorrow and to top it all off, Mango and Zara are all having SALES now.
I love this weekend.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
8:56 PM
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