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Thursday, October 28, 2004
Going to watch Singapore Idol LIVE soon! I was quite excited yesterday, but doing pw today has taken away some of that bubbliness. Oh well. But I still think it's gonna be quite fun. Going to leave at 530pm with Trina and we'll find our way down to Mediacorp 'cause I have no idea how to get there. Yay! Okay, getting a little excited now. Which is good I think, 'cause pw shouldn't dampen my mood to the point of me not even being able to be excited over watching Singapore Idol live!!
heard
those magic reindeer click @
4:13 PM
Wednesday, October 27, 2004
Just watched my 7pm show. Gosh, it was such a shouty episode. Everyone was just yelling at each other like nobody's business. And I concluded that it's not advisable to watch the show during dinner. I got so caught up with all the yelling and shrieking that I almost shouted at my dad to pass the fish. Dad will be so not pleased if I start screaming at everyone around the dinner table. Am playing ffx with Carol now. Or I was anyway, before I came upstairs to print out some pw crap. Going back down soon.
The school computers are all damn screwed. Can't access hotmail unless you keep refreshing or you end up waiting for a full half-hour before having the error page displayed on screen. Can't download files from hotmail. Can't even insert a diskette without having the computer jamming. What's this maaaann?! Woke up with a headache this morning and was so tempted to stay home and sleep the headache away. But I wanted to practice my oral presentation. Stupidest thing ever though, I didn't get to present in the end. Annoyed like hell.
Got back results that include all ca and terms marks today. Didn't do as badly as I thought I would, triple Cs, but that's only 'cause I dropped math. All my math cas were horrible horrible horrible. 1 upon 30. 5 upon 30. My one proud moment was when I hit the double digit mark. 13 upon 35. But talking to Carol today made me feel... inadequate, somehow, for not doing 4 subs. And frustrated too, 'cause I keep thinking that I would have been able to manage 4 subs. If only I'd tried harder. But oh well. I should be glad that I'm gonna get promoted straight without having to take probationals! There's still a lot to be thankful for.
I can see it all so clearly now. Can picture it almost exactly in my mind and it seems all too real. Try to wave away those images in my head but it's futile. Like a hand trying to shoo away smoke or mist. Hmmm. Or is it more like I don't want to.
I think I'm too idealistic. Dreamy. Hopeful. Wishful. Deluded. Tired. Hopefulhopefulhopeful. And so so tired of trying. Still I can't let go and yet I keep thinking to myself that I don't think I can go on anymore.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
8:11 PM
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
I don't understand. And yet I understand perfecftly well. My eyes are tired. My mind's saturated with farFAR too many thoughts. I wish I could permanently remove some of the thoughts floating about in my mind 'cause... I'm tired. Everything's changed, but I know nothing will ever change. What the hell am I talking about?
I'm sick and tired of stupididiotic pw. Bloody hell. The only thing I've learnt definitely isn't what moe had in mind for us to have learnt. I never get through a single day without feeling some sort of hatred towards pw. I know it's something that absolutely has to be done, so I just grit my teeth and trudge on in spite of my wanting to throw up my hands and wave a white flag of defeat. Sometimes, I want very much to be able to just sit back and completely ignore pw. Do the minimum, let others do the job. But I remind myself that if I do that, I'd only be jeopardising my own A-level score since the probablity of anyone else caring about pw is zilch. And it isn't worth it okay, screwing up my A-level score like that. Still. I think pw's freaking unfair. It's impossible to allocate marks fairly 'cause the final product doesn't show how much effort each member's put in. BLEEEAAHHHHHH.
I love this song. Don't know why, 'cause it's not as if the lyrics are significant to me. But the song just strikes a chord in me for one reason or the other, and makes me feel like writing a note too. Hahah. :)
If You Get There Before I Do
Collin Raye
If you get there before I do
Don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll be
But I'm not gonna let you down
Darling, wait and see
And between now and then
Until I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love,
Me.
There's a million and one things I wish I could say. But strangely, I can't find the words to put them down. That's well enough though, since saying some stuff will only get me into more trouble than necessary. I really have to learn to disguise my feelings better though. Act like nothing's wrong. Look emotionless and like I don't care at all. It's sad, but there're some things that other people would rather pretend didn' t exist. Like sadness and depression and misery and all the bad feelings, and OH dear, I guess that's just life.
But anyway, school today was quite a waste of time. As usual. Was supposed to stay back for drama today, but found out at 130pm that I didn't have to stay back anymore. Was sliigghhtly irrirated 'cause if I'd been told earlier, I could have gone home super early. Since I don't take math anymore and math lect's the last period. Ohhhh, and I sold ice-cream today with Chels. Actually, ice-cream selling today was quite fun! Gave my arms a real work-out man. Hahah. It's damn difficult to scoop up the ice-cream 'cause the ice-cream's like hard and frozen. Felt quite bad about making a guy wait while I tried my hardest to scoop up a decent amount of ice-cream for him. It was pressurizing okay! There was like a crowd of his classmates standing around and everyone was just waiting for me to hurry up and get the ice-cream onto the cone. Hmmm. Nevermind. Next time I do it, I'll be better!
heard
those magic reindeer click @
5:48 PM
Sunday, October 24, 2004
Deep breath. I've finished my powerpoint slides. In record time, I might add. For the first time in a long time, I'm sending my bit to someone else to collate - Nartz to be precise. Feels kinda strange not having to stress about putting everything together, but OH NO, I'm not complaining. I'll enjoy this while this lasts. Thanks a lot Nartz. :)
I remember one homily a few Sundays back that really stuck in my mind. The priest had said something about how praying is very important in cultivating a person's relationship with God, and that we should try to set aside some time for prayer everyday. Then he said that our prayers don't have to be fanciful or particularly eloquent for God to hear us. And that hope is the simpest form of prayer. He also said that if a person just sits down and hope for what he/she wants with the belief that God will fulfill that hope... it's a veryvery simple prayer too. That set me thinking, 'cause I'll admit that I don't say the most eloquent or beautiful prayers. But the knowledge that God listens to everyone's prayers - even if it's as simple as a sincere, fervent longing and belief that God will make everything all right again... it's comforting. I'd thought about what if I'd found out one day that I've been living in false hope all my life, wouldn't that be completely devastating? But in the next second, I decided that I'd never know whether my hope was false or not until I went on hoping. So there you go.
I don't have beautiful prayers laced with layers and layers of deep meaning, and all I have in me is my belief that if I hold out in spite of it seeming extremely impossible, God will one day somehow answer my simple plea. But I do know that I do have plenty of hope for all sorts of improbable things, and that has to be enough to sustain me and keep my head just above the crashing waves when it seems I'm about to drown. Disillusioned and deluded maybe? I rather not see it that way, but just as keeping that tiny flame of hope alive inside my heart, not letting the spark be extinguished by the torrential winds outside that threaten to blow me and my hope away. I'm hopeful.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
11:29 PM
Got back my promo results on Friday. Well... It wasn't too bad, in the sense that I didn't fail any subject overall. But it wasn't great either, in the sense that I did fail certain papers - phy geog and econs essay. And I didn't do well for the paper I least expected myself not to do well in - gp. Sigh. I got a bloody c5 for gp okay. And considering the fact that ms tan kept saying that many people did well and gp grades were generally okay... I felt damn bad about my own marks. I guess it's just screwed up expectations. But anyhow, I think I'll get promoted. Hopefully without having to sit for probationals next year. A CCD set of grades normally shouldn't make me worry about probationals, but my terms were damndamn horrible! DEFF I think. Grrrrr. Lousy terms. Ohhhhh, and I passed my Chinese!! For the first time in a looonnngg time okay!!! :) And I did it with a 58% pass to boot! Hahah. What luck maaaann.
Openhouse yesterday was preeeeetttty fun in the end! I went to school dreading what I'd have to endure before 4pm came round so I could go home. Walked around the hall quite a bit with Chels. Watched Dree perform her cheerleading thing, which was daaammmnn good by the way! GO TEAM! Hahah. Cartwheels and high jumps and all. Chels said that yesterday felt quite high school, with cheerleaders and all. I think I agree!
And today... Went to IMH (or Woodbridge, if that's more familiar) with the senior svdp people. Put up a mini concert or something for the patients and served them lunch. Again, I didn't particularly jump for joy at the prospect of going there when I got up this morning, but I'm glad I went! Got to sit at the back of a lorry while it rained heavily and screamed and squealed everytime the lorry rolled over a hump. Having your ass bump up and down a solid surface is painful okaaaayyy. But it was damn funny, 'cause the uncle who was giving us a lift back to church started up the lorry engine and was about to drive off without Gary, who had to run after us yelling and looking like a construction worker. Hahah! And the skit that we put up was soooooooo silly! There was this one patient who kept HAHAHAHing loudly every 30seconds even though there was nothing remotely funny about anything. And another patient who yelled out HELLO HELLO to us as we walked down the corridor. It.. took some getting used to, I'll admit.
Okay, so now that promo results are out and openhouse's over, it's pw full steam ahead. My trial oral presentation's on Tuesday, so better start working on my powerpoint slides now. Hmmppph. Really HATE pw. Waste of time. Waste of energy. Waste of sleep. GRR. Oh, and ogl interview is tomorrow. I'll be glad when Tuesday's over! But hey, looking at the bright side of things, my busy stretch's already half gone. And I gotta get a new book soon. Just finished Memoirs of a Geisha and started on Sons of Heaven, something I dug up as I was shelving my books. I think it's about the Tiananmen Square incident. Memoirs was reeeeaallyyyy good though. So yeah, it's time for a new book again!
heard
those magic reindeer click @
5:24 PM
Thursday, October 21, 2004
PW nonsense is starting to pile up again. Sickening shit. Exam results are coming out tomorrow. I think it's stupid, how they're just gonna return all the papers at one go. I probably won't even dare to look past the paper on the very top of the stack 'cause the rest of my marks may just shock me silly. Sigh. Life's gonna be veeerrrryy different after tomorrow. Different in a badBAD way.
Anyway, the wr's really due tomorrow. For real this time. The last time I stayed up til 330am in the morning to do it, it was just so they could submit the report to the turnitin software thing that checks for plagarism. I just realised that I don't have any copy of the final FINAL wr anywhere on my computer, 'cause I had edited it in school the last time before submission and saved it in a diskette. Then I stupidly lent out both diskettes to various people. I'm really damn idiotic. GRRRRRRRR. Feel so insecure now, that I can't print out the biblio tonight since I don't have a copy with me.
School today was quite bad. I'm really in a crappy mood these days. Pmsing, maybe? Hmmm. Baaaaaad excuse, I know. But I really felt quite strange today. Like there were these little pricks of irritation every once in a while for no apparent reason. And I haven't been sleeping very well lately either. I've been getting weird disturbing dreams at night that leave me feeling extremely unrested when I get up in the mornings. Deep sigh.
You know, I thought that life after the exams would be a ball. What happened??? But I bought Memoirs of a Geisha today and I think it's a pretty good book. I think my being in this weird mood lately has made me feel more quiet and homey and hence the revival of my appetite for books. Blogging today hasn't made me feel any better. I still feel kinda restless... and annoyed... and irritated... and oh, I don't want my results to come back! Ignorance is bliss, and something I would like to indulge in if it means that learning the truth promises endless days of being grounded and buckets of tears and regret at my non-existent intelligence.
heard
those magic reindeer click @
9:58 PM
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
I went to school today!! Though I truly did not want to. Sigh. The woes of a student. Heh. I'm in the computer lab now doing pw (supposedly). Ohwell. I was thinking last night that it's just 3 more weeks of lousy pw then it'll be totally a thing of the past!! HAHA. I so cannot wait for the happy day to come! But anyhow. I've gotten back the turnitin report thing and THANKGOODNESS, there isn't much to change.
Anyway. I realised that I've been going to town more than usual recently. Went on Thursday with Chels, met up with Tri on Sunday, going to go again later with Cheryl later, and maybe tomorrow too. Gosh. It's funny, 'cause I'm not usually such a big fan of Orchard Road. Hmmm. Maybe it's the after-exam effect, which makes me feel like getting out and about and doing stuff.
Sunday with Trina was great! Her mom treated me to a deeeelicious lunch at Holland V before taking us down to Ngee Ann. Had a creamy Cabonara with bacon and then popped over to Haagen Daz for a double scoop ice-cream with strawberry toppings. Delish maann. :) Anyway. Tri and I went shopping after that!! Bought a few tops and totally emptied my savings. Sheeeesshh. Just one day out and I blow everything I've saved. Had fun anyway. Hahah. I loooveee Tri's mom! How many moms will take her daughter's friend out on a Sunday for lunch?? Hmm. Not mine! But my mom's great too. She says the funniest things to get me to do stuff like cleaning up the plates and cups - stuff like "You'd better clean your cup, if not I'll take a picture of the lizard that comes out at night to swim in your cup!"
When I first heard it, I was like what the hell. And I started laughing after that when the image of a lizard going swimming started to permeate through my mind.
Stayed home yesterday 'cause I was supposed to be filling up my uwc application form. Oh, and was also supposed to go for dental in the afternoon to get my fixed-up retainers. But it started raining heavily in the afternoon, so I called mom to reschedule my appointment for me.
I.. Don't feel like going to school again tomorrow. I'm already in the floaty holiday mood. :)
heard
those magic reindeer click @
8:42 AM
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Today was really quite an eventful day. There're a million and one things I wanna blog about tonight! Wow, it's been a looooooonng time since I've felt this way about blogging, actually. Yay! Maybe my interest for blogging's coming back!
Went down to town with Chels after school today. School today was, by the way, really damn slack. I went to school today 'cause I thought there was gonna be ac games and I wanted to play to get my points. (I know, I know, it's a damn baaaaaad and selfish reason for wanting to take part. But I can't help it; I'm telling the truth.) But the Twister games thing was gonna be tomorrow, so I kinda went to school for nothing today. Ohhhh, but the Bacclaureate service today was preeeettyy nice. I liked the photo slide shows a lot. I think I must have watched a thousand and one slide shows today, but I still liked them anyway. Seeing all the pictures of the j2s who're gonna be leaving made me remember my own farewell mass back in ij last year. I know, there's no connection right! Hahah. I think I'm in a rather disjointed mood today.
I had fun shopping and just talking to Chels today as we walked around today! I know pal, I'm supposed to blog about the Mario/Allegeri escapade today, but I'm tooooooo tired to do it properly now! So I'll put that in tomorrow I think. Oh, and Chels and I are gonna be spies or PIs or whatever they are, and we're gonna publish a book about our daring and brilliant adventures as the Spy Pals or something like that! Hahahaah! :)
Okay, school again tomorrow. Don't really really particularly wanna go, but... AC games, points, remember!!!
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those magic reindeer click @
11:27 PM
Monday, October 11, 2004
OH YAH. Now I remember what I wanted to whine about. After typing in the hotmail address twice 'cause for some reason now, I cannot type properly. After sifting through tonnes of junk mail asking if I want a breast enlargement or if I wanna win a million bucks.
I've never been sick during the exams before and omg, I never want to have to go through that again man. I was sick on Tuesday and Wednesday and I honestly thought I was gonna die 'cause I was sneezing so badly and my head was just splitting. Turned out I was running a fever - stupid viral gits!!! Then on Saturday. I had THE CRAMPS. Fluuussssssh, that was the sound of my whole Saturday just being flushed down the toilet bowl. I did absolutely zilch work on Saturday, hence leaving me to cram like crazy the whole of Sunday and this morning for the physical geog exam. I tried studying on Saturday okay, in spite of my gross pain. I managed to read the weathering notes after about 5hours. This is roughly how it went. Not pleasant at all okaaayy. Bleary-eyed-reading, wincing as my cramps came and went, sitting up to try to continue reading, uurrrgghh felt like throwing up, went back to lie down, sleep (or tried to but couldn't 'cause it was farFAR too excruciating), woke up and picked up the notes again, another wave of nausea, eyelids shut again... you get the picture eh. Sigh. Just thinking about Saturday brings tears of pain back to my eyes. It was one of my worst cramp attacks in my entire 17 years of life on earth.
So after having said all that, I conclude that if ONLY I manage to pass my exams this time round, I'll have a lot to be thankful for already. Ohhhhh, I think I'll fail. Which means that I'll get retained. And OH MY DEAR GOD, if I do pass overall, I'll be pretty damn happy for a long time.
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those magic reindeer click @
4:04 PM
Khin woman, you should be damn flattered okay!! 'Cause I'm blogging today just for you - just so you know that I'm still alive in spite of stupid promos not being over yet. (Yeah, rub it it, why don't you?? Hahah.) Tomorrow's the last day of promos, yaaaayy!! Geog today was.. a lost cause. Sigh. Shan't talk about it at all since it's over, but yes, it was damn bad. :( Didn't have enough time to finish writing my long story about rock formation and all that nonsense. It's just econs mcq and drq plus e8 lit tomorrow then my sad tortured life as an exam candidate will be OVER!! Until November, when I'll have to take my chinese AOs, but heck with it for now maaannn. Ooohhhh, can't wait for tomorrow to be over! I'm thinking of all the things I can do and I'm quite quite excited! Like sleeping, or watching tv without my guilty conscience telling me to go study, or playing some game on my ps2, or SHOPPING maybe!! WowWHEE!!! Hahah. Okay, get a grip. I've still got econs tys to do today. Hmmm. But think about tomorrow!! :))
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those magic reindeer click @
3:50 PM
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